When Sarah woke up after a wild night out, she found a note that said, "You danced with a lampshade last night. It said you've got moves!"

Nurse Lisa: "You won't believe what happened last night. I struggled to lift the elderly patient onto the bed using all the techniques we learned." Nurse Maria: "What?" Nurse Lisa: "I gave it my all, finally got him up there." Nurse Maria: "Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he listens!

Tom stumbled into a fancy restaurant, looked at the menu, and sighed, "I'll have what the house is drinking, please!"

Chris: "Hey, have you ever wondered what Santa's helpers are called?" Megan: "No idea, what are they called?" Chris: "Subordinate Clauses!"

Danny was so drunk that he mistook a fire hydrant for a parking meter. He argued with it for ten minutes before realizing it wasn't accepting his coins.